Join me in death
by KleinerRabe
Summary: Shuichi had found out everything, the pictures of the video tape still hunting him. How will he continue living with the knowledge what Yuki had done? Following the Megamix Panda.


**Join me in death**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation and its characters. I don't make any profit by this story. It's just written "for fun".**

**Warnings: Language, drugs**

**Chapter 1  
**  
Disgusting. That was the feeling Shuichi had when he rose from his sleep. The bad taste of whiskey…what to do to get rid of it?

His hair was still sticky, which meant he did not make it into the bathroom right after he had arrived at his hotel room. Slowly he opened his right eye and peeked to the night stand, trying to figure out the right time from the alarmclock.

This tour went on about a month now, and nearly every second day he got drunk or ended up with some stranger in his bed. When he thought about it, it was not that bad – unless he was thinking about Yuki. What was he doing while he was sitting in his cold and lonely bed somewhere else?

Suddenly he felt sick, his hand quickly covered his mouth, he did not want to throw up after these thoughts.

And what had happened to him after he'd found out, what was really going on with his beloved one? Or…who…?

When he tried to move, his whole body hurt. He could not decide whether this problem was caused from alcohol or other things, that could cheer him up. Especially since they've reached Las Vegas, he really appreciated the warmth and comfort of so called drugs.

The feeling of being high would have been so much better than feeling like shit in the morning.

"Ah shit..." he mumbled as he tried to finally get up. The dizziness in his head did not do him the favour to disappear.

How lucky he was not to share a hotel room with Hiro or much worse Fujisaki. Well, it wasn't like he did not like Hiros' presence next to him.

It was more like an odd feeling to have his best friend wrapped in his blankets. What a strange thing their friendship had turned into!

Hiro had been the first and only one who knew what Shuichi had seen on the video tape. Even now he was not able to shed a tear. There had never been a situation that could have shocked Shuichi like this before. The hurt inside was too deep.

The first night of the tour the two of them chatted for a while, the adrenaline still rushed through their veins – and they drank a lot.

It was the first night they had spend together and made love. Well, Shuichi didn't know whether they had made love or he had been longing for his best friend to fuck him senseless…

In addition to his role as Shuichis' best friend, Hiro also became important as his best friends' lover.

He was sure, Fujisaki knew that.

Oh yes…that one night…

The club in Las Vegas had been crowded, but nobody recognised them. But hey, the people did not seem to be bored by their music. It had been a good chance to make a name of "Bad Luck" in other countries.

Right after their performance, Shuichi had tried to call Yuki, and, amazingly, he answered the phone call within a few minutes. Like always that had been the moment Shuichi had nothing to say to his lover. He just wanted to make sure that Yuki did not do it again. It made him go mad not to have control over the situation.

Frustrated he went back to the others and had a drink. Between all the American people Shuichi felt terribly alone. His English had never improved after graduating from school.

Anyhow, he met a very nice guy who told him about the fantastic "joy powder" and Shuichi was too depressed and weak to say no. Why not trying something new?

It felt good. And it felt even better later in bed, when the guy fucked him, when he made him scream and squirm in ecstasy like Yuki never had before.

Shuichi quickly found out how easy it was to get cocaine and have fun with it. He never felt that energetic before and everybody was good in ignoring the fact why he acted like this.

Hiro really tried to convince him how bad it was for his health and psychic state, but he did not want to hear it.

And it was easy to silence Hiroshi. He was too easy to seduce. Having sex made Hiro forget about all worries.

His back brushed against the cool tiles and every drop of water made him shiver. His body finally relaxed a little.

How to carry on when it was indeed himself who was in his way?

He closed his eyes, but everything he saw were the terrible pictures of this tape. He stumbled a bit, caught himself and took deep breaths.

Dear god, he wanted to scream! He wanted to shout out his anger, the disappointment and all the loathing he felt deep inside his body. He wanted to hit Yuki in his damn gorgeous face, wanted to ask how he could have done this to the both of them.

But…what for?

Yuki had been very moody on the telephone. Maybe he was still pissed because Shuichi had denied sex the night before he went on tour. Most of the time Yuki touched him, he wanted to throw up. And sometimes he really had to run into the bathroom.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself with one of the fluffy and big bath towels. He tried to get a hold on the sink, watching the person on the other side of the mirror.

What to do on day like this – he thought to himself.

What to do to pretend he was happy?

He could not longer look himself in the eyes and turned away from the mirror.

He felt relieved when he took the antidepressants out of the cabinet and popped the pills.

He shuddered and it took him a moment to realize that he was still naked. He draped the towel around his shoulders and felt a bit warmer then.  
"I really need to get high on something today…Alcohol, drugs…or a good fuck…"  
He decided to crawl back under the bed sheets and pretend he was not there. He did not want the afternoon to arrive, he still needed some time to think and rest. At night he could still go out with Hiro and the others.  
They were lucky they did not have to leave San Francisco immediately after their performance, so they could relax a bit until they had to continue their tour.  
Despite what the others may have thought about "relaxing". Shuichi could not remember a night he had spent alone, had been completely sober or did not do drugs during the passed weeks.  
"What would Yuki say if he knew…" he spoke to himself and shrugged. Maybe he'd say nothing at all.  
Shuichi found he didn't care about whatever Yuki's feelings were on his recent tour behavior.

"I hate you," whispered Shuichi, hoping that somehow Yuki could hear his words.

---

Shall I continue to translate my story from German to English? I feel very sorry for all errors in it! But I'm looking for a beta, so if anyone wants to help me ... "


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